I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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