In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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