I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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