What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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