Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
