Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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