The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
