Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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