I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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