You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
