false alarm. still invincible.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
