she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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