I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All the doctor said was why
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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