is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
