Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
