FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
