I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
