Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
