saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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