You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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