High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.