i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.