I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
