Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My penis needs a shock collar
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.