I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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