i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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