Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
