You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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