lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
