At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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