She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He shit in the fireplace
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
