nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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