is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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