I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
