Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When did angry sex become our thing?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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