Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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