I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
