I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
