We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
