are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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