We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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