I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
