corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in