when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties