Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.

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  (757): Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing. http://tfl.nu/8x8y
  Replies (35) Good night (4834) Bad night (659)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

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  (509): Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though http://tfl.nu/7ly3
  Replies (19) Good night (6159) Bad night (1202)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

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  (410): just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks. http://tfl.nu/gf3t
  Replies (13) Good night (6290) Bad night (1461)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (9218) Bad night (1635)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.

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  (785): There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill. http://tfl.nu/tym2
  Replies (10) Good night (2919) Bad night (1116)
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  (562): View more from California

  Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.

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  (562): Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek. http://tfl.nu/3lde
  Replies (7) Good night (4004) Bad night (1429)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.

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  (709): It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me. http://tfl.nu/jsip
  Replies (11) Good night (929) Bad night (2876)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...

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  (204): you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back... http://tfl.nu/izou
  Replies (17) Good night (2454) Bad night (1109)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

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  (314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih
  Replies (18) Good night (2598) Bad night (2834)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.

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  (563): at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck. http://tfl.nu/kym8
  Replies (6) Good night (2096) Bad night (1178)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.

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  (512): I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend. http://tfl.nu/57u1
  Replies (10) Good night (1479) Bad night (2060)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

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  (516): I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in? (1-516): I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift. http://tfl.nu/715b
  Replies (3) Good night (1484) Bad night (591)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.

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  (202): I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in. http://tfl.nu/a062
  Replies (21) Good night (1553) Bad night (1134)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.

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  (832): I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie. http://tfl.nu/pzlb
  Replies (0) Good night (316) Bad night (432)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway

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  (610): My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway http://tfl.nu/w6q4
  Replies (0) Good night (161) Bad night (82)

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