New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.