There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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