guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
