I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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