Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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