the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
