I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
