ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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