I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
