i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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