Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
