i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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