Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize