I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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