went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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