That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
