he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Still dying that you shit outside
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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