Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
