Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
