stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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