Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
