Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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