Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I pour the whiskey from now on
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
