He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
