How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
