I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
