is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
