At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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