Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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