if i can run in heels then i can drive
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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