Is it normal to miss your booty call?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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