You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
