this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
