i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
