WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
