Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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