you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
